Forgive me for my leave, it has been 3 weeks since my last confession.
Many times in my impatient life, I wonder where things are going and why I am not there yet. Take now, for example. Here I am with a nursing degree under my beltless maternity pants (yes, I still wear them. Bite me.) and I actually feel panicked at times that is has all gone to waste and I not find a job when I am ready to start looking.
I need to, at these times, stop and remember that it was not me who initiated nursing school to begin with. I was not the one that decided it was the perfect timing for a baby right after graduation, and it is not me who has a Great Handle on all of this. So why am I still here? I truly believe that in order to get there, I need to excel here. Here at home, here in my marriage, here in my current role. And I believe I need to rock it.
Here is what I am learning (and re-learning over and over again). Life is not just the goals, it is the interim. This is not limbo- this *is* life. In all things... I just got peed on. No literally. I JUST got peed on. How's that for a little bit of life? Clean pair of maternity pants on, and K is now diapered and watching Dora. Moving on.
I don't think I have to tell anyone else how important the role of mother is, or how vital it is to stay connected in the role in marriage, but these are things I often lose sight of. If I am to believe that I am being prepared for my role as a nurse, I must also accept that all of life in the present is vital to rock at in order to rock at that role.
So this week I am concentrating on rockin' my home. I have set a cleaning schedule up that would make any maid proud. I am working out. (Seriously! I am working out!) I have always felt strong in my role as Mom, but I think I can work a little harder in my role as wife. I can do less eye rolling when he is sick. After all, I doubt my patients will enjoy that either. And I will do it ALL with joy in my heart and a song on my lips. (Too much?)
If LIFE is the here and now and not just the goals to be obtained, then that is what I will focus on. Since I am such a goal-motivated person, this will of course be hard for me. There is no "end date" and no reward without "met goals" so I need to find another way to stay motivated on a day to day basis.
Never fear. I think my phone has an app for that.