I really thought that this time around, I was going to be the most organic, hands-on mother there ever was. Attachment parenting? Check! Breastfeeding? Check! Co-sleeping? Check! So why did I (somewhere around 3am) want to detach my little one, slap a bottle or a turkey breast into her mouth, and put her back in her crib? Because she is breaking me down. I am starting to think that sleep deprivation is just her way of breaking me in now, so I am to weak to go on in her later years. It is a tactic, and a very wise one at that.

Most of the time, our little arrangement works out for us. The last 2 nights, she is nursing all night long. All night long. Did I say all night long? I am sorry, what I meant was ALL. NIGHT. LONG. If I moved in the slightest, she would "stir and search" like a baby bird. All night. Long. So we need a new plan. I need to get this little one out of my bed before object permanence kicks in. You know, the period of time when peek-a-boo is a fun game, and she has a memory that lasts more than 15 seconds at a time. I need to get her into her crib before she remembers that she doesn't want to be there.

Doesn't that just sound manipulative? Well she started it.

I knew when I started co-sleeping that we would run into this problem. I knew it. But I am too old to get up 4-5 times a night and function the next day. My precious little bottomless pit eats every 1.5 hours even now at 6 months old. I just can't do that. So I knew what I was getting into. I know that little tummies need food as often as they seek it, because their bodies know what they are doing. They need the food that often to help them grow. And isn't that important?

So now I have to try to devise a plan to get her out of my bed and nursing less each night. You see, this is where her brains come in. She has broken me down and I cannot see an escape in sight. I am a victim of a 6 month old. And she looks so cute and innocent...

We have under 2 months to come up with a plan before she truly is smarter than me and thus turning this into an unconquerable mission. I am pressed for time. I am also tired. Do they still have wet-nurses around?

I am SAHM

 I once had this view of stay at home moms that included perfect hair, dressy attire, busy schedules and mini-vans. Now of course I am sure there are many that do fit that profile, but that has not been my experience. Perhaps if the child(ren) I was home with were school aged and activities were included in that package, I would find myself in a faster-paced daily schedule.  

Me? No Mini-van. No dressy clothes. No more than a pony-tail on ANY day. And the busy schedule?  What do other moms DO all day? I find that the things I do, such as cleaning and laundry and such are things that I also did while I worked (and was in school) so the fact that school and work are taken out of the equation means I have perhaps too much time to myself. Now granted, I only have one bundle of monster to look after, and she is not quite mobile yet, so I am sure that will change a bit. And I am in no way saying that these days are not still exhausting, because I find myself collapsing in bed more often then not at the end of the day. 

I do not, however, find this job to be more difficult then working. In fact, I find it hard to get things done under these circumstances. I need goals to be in big, blaring red letters looming over my head before I can do much of anything. You see, I have Motivational Hormone Deficit, or MHD. It is a shortage of re-uptake of the getoffyourbutt hormone that the Motivational synaptic thing needs in order to conduct....stuff. It is real. Look it up on Wikipedia. Without impending deadlines blaring at me, I find it difficult to get things done. 

Sure, there are back to back episodes of The New Adventures of Old Christine that need my attention. And of course there is the care of my new blog. And Facebook. And Yahoo Answers. Don't get me wrong- I find plenty of time for my "high needs baby" who requires a lot of attention. She is as cute as a button, but definitely runs the show. Even so, she takes a few decent naps on a good day, and she does not always require my attention while she does. So what do I do? 

There was once and episode of Wife Swap that featured a wife who believed in the 15 minute clean up theory. Granted her house was crawling with filth and needed much, much more than 15 minutes to clean to a decent level of acceptance. I find though, that my house does not much require much more than that on any given day. If I clean the kitchen the night before, I wake to a clean house. The rest of the day might include the tasks required for that day, such as laundry, but there really is not a whole lot else to DO! 

Someone once suggested to me that I start working out. Let's not be silly. Who has the time for that? Oh wait. I do. 

I know I am risking my own "job" security here, but that is only is my husband happens upon my blog. I knew I should have changed names...

Motherhood: Time is a changin'!

I am a mother and have held that title for 18 years and counting. Somehow though, it seems so much more challenging this time around. I have a 5.5 month old now, and the changes over the years are huge! When did they come up with all of these new catch phrase? Sleep training? Since when do you need to *train* a baby to *SLEEP*?
I didn't breastfeed with my first, so that is a whole new ball game this time around too. It seems that breastfeeding is in season, which was not the case with my first, who we we will call Brooke. Because that is her name. (Should I be changing her name to prevent her from embarrassment? Nah.) With Baby K, it has all been about Attachment Parenting, breastfeeding, and co-sleeping. I don't even recognize myself anymore. Brooke was a "raise yourself" kind of kid, and that worked pretty well for her, but times are changing. Or I am changing.
I once prided myself on being a laid-back mom with Brooke, and because of how well she "turned out" (I didn't burn my first pancake too badly) it is a wonder why I feel the need to re-write the playbook with K. Is it because I am older and wiser? Or is it because society is older and smarter, and things have just changed that much?
When visiting social networking sites for moms today, you are bombarded with opinions on how to raise your baby. If you are not breastfeeding, you are filling your child with poison. If you are co-sleeping, you are raising your child to be insecure. If you are NOT co-sleeping, you are raising them to be untrusting. If you let them "cry it out" you might as well get them a psychologist now. When did it all become such a hot button issue?
I guess we will see how it turns out using 2 completely different parenting models to raise children in 2 different generations. I guess we will also see if I ever get a decent night's sleep. Only time will zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz